What questions should one ask and ask oneself when practicing Shibari?

Shibari involves physical and psychological risks; it is important to ask yourself the right questions before practicing!

Attention all riggers!

Before the Shibari session
– Inquire about the person's emotional and physical state (consider any past injuries or traumas)
– Discuss and define your partner's boundaries, what they want and don't want
– Be clear and unambiguous: it's better to leave feeling a little frustrated than with the feeling of having been abused.
– Make it clear to the person that they have the right to say "stop" and "no," that using these words will result in an immediate end to what is happening and will be followed by a discussion. You should also agree on a simple safe word (stop word) to remember.
– Check the condition of your equipment (ropes in good condition, the state of the suspension point and how it was attached, rope cutters).

During the session:
– Never leave your partner alone
– Keep in mind that the person being tied has the right to withdraw their consent at any time
– Be aware of your technical level and that of the person being tied
– Have a pair of safety scissors and a phone in your pocket, and water nearby if using candles
– Have anticipated the risks and be able to respond to them (fainting, rope getting stuck or breaking, etc.)
– Act gradually, watch for physical and emotional reactions, breathing, etc.
– Regularly check muscle tone and hand movement (radial nerve) and the emotional state (hand pressure, words, be present)

In case of a problem
– Stay calm and breathe
– Explain the situation and reassure your partner
– Remember that it's better to sacrifice a rope than a person
– Act safely and quickly

After the session:
If everything went well, everyone is happy, perhaps a little frustrated, which is a good thing for planning a future session.
If the session is interrupted, maintain communication; your partner will certainly need to talk things through, either immediately or later, so be there to listen. If you made a mistake, acknowledge it and apologize.
Create a space for discussion that can be revisited later if needed, and ask your partner if they need anything and if you can try to analyze it together, either now or when they are ready.
Whether it went well or not, the session doesn't end when the ropes are put away; remain available to your partner for a few days afterward in case of an emotional downturn.

In case of an accident, do you know how to react?

To the attention of attachés

Before contacting
someone for a Shibari session – Do some basic research on the practice (the different approaches) / the risks (radial nerve, endorphins) / human anatomy
– Try to clarify your motivations, what appeals to you/doesn't appeal to you about this practice
– Research different facilities or riggers and learn about each one
– If possible, attend a session and talk with other riggers

Initial contact:
You must be able to speak freely with the person who will be tying you up.
If possible, ask for photos, their motivations, experience, and who they trained with (if they practice in an association).
Do they have anatomical knowledge? Will they be able to handle an emergency?

Before the session
– Inform the rigger of your emotional and physical state (including any past injuries)
– Establish boundaries regarding what is possible and what isn't, what you like/think you'd like/want to try or not at all, and the desired intensity
– Be clear and unambiguous: it's better to leave feeling a little frustrated than with a sense of being abused
– Listen to yourself. You have the right to change your mind
– Check the cleanliness of the equipment and the first aid kit (safety scissors, phone)
– Protect your piercings and remove your jewelry

During the Shibari session
– Occasionally check the movement of your thumb/index finger.
Listen to your body (if you experience tingling or pain, please report it).
Your safety is paramount. You have the right to withdraw your consent at any time to end the session or any activity.

Do you feel something is wrong?
– DARE to tell the rigger what's bothering you

The rigger indicates a problematic situation:
– Trust, don't panic, don't move around
– Stay calm and breathe

After the session
, a debrief is always welcome, first immediately afterward, and then again a few days later, especially if boundaries were crossed.
This time for discussion allows everyone to get to know themselves better and improve their practice.
If something went wrong, don't stay alone; talk to your rigger if you can/want to. Don't hesitate to ask for support from the community or a close friend or family member you trust.
It's common to experience an emotional void a few days after the session; talk about it, and seek support.

These tips are valid in ALL settings: private practice, workshops, classes, with a stranger, your life partner…

Author: Calamity Steph: Shibari classes in Aix-en-Provence and Marseille